I am married to the most wonderful man in the world. It may sound cliché, but it’s true. The reality is that this is our 6th lifetime together so we have had time to work out the kinks in our relationship! It doesn’t mean we still don’t have some minor issues, we do, but for the most part our relationship is almost perfect.
For the past few weeks I have been swamped at work with an accreditation visit and swamped with astrology clients after work. I have hardly seen my husband and I have been missing him. I am the talker in the relationship, sharing every little detail about my day and my experiences during meditation, or a radio show I’ve heard, I leave no detail out!
He isn’t a man of many words and his job is quite boring so he knows I’m not terribly interested in hearing about how many invoices he has keyed in or what vendor needs an accrual, LOL, nonetheless I still listen and smile. I wish he would share more. I repeatedly ask him to share with me, but he says he is a simple man and doesn’t think about much other than his work, his HW and what house he wants to buy. I can see that, but I still want more.
Yesterday, I was driving to work and I told him how much I missed him. I had to work late so I knew we wouldn’t get to spend much time together. I had asked him to pick up the kids from school and when I got home there was HW to do, a house to clean etc. I missed him so much, yet I did not want to get close to him. He asked for a hug and a kiss, and I was like “ya, I have to do stuff”, while all I wanted was to lie in bed and cuddle with him.
The entire night I read a book, and he did HW. We hardly spoke and I was angry. Why was I so angry? He tried kissing me, loving me and getting close to me and I was the one pushing HIM away!
When I went to sleep I was awakened by my angels in the middle of the night. It was a very active night of dreams and conversation and the angels told me to cuddle him and hug him. I leaned over and hugged him so tight. I felt so close to him at that moment and I whispered “I love you” in his ear. He was asleep and didn’t hear me, but it was as if my heart melted. We slept in each other’s arms for the next few hours and when I woke him up I apologized for pushing him away when I really only wanted to be close to him.
This morning I asked my guides during meditation why I do this. Why do I push him away when I want to be close? Why do I punish myself? They showed me a picture of a warden guarding a prison. They showed the warden walking up and down the halls. They explained that I try and guard my heart when I feel vulnerable. When I am feeling far away, I feel as if pushing myself even farther away is helpful. Obviously it is not.
I mentioned earlier that this is our 6th lifetime together as husband and wife, and even we have issues of vulnerability. It’s part of the human experience. I hope that if you’re in a wonderful relationship that your heart remains open and you do not let the fear of feeling vulnerable get in the way of an amazing relationship.
When we shut others out to protect our heart, we end up even more hurt than if we would open up and be vulnerable.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my soul family! All of you are on this earthbound experience with me. We are all one and when we open our heart to one, we open our heart to all and the world becomes a better place.
Happy Valentine’s Day!